I know i'm slowly falling into depression even without having to notice the clinical symtoms of depression.

Loss of appetite? Yep.
Sleep too much? Forget it, that happens everyday!
Can't concentrate on easy tasks? I don't let emotions get in the way of my work.
Feel hopeless and worthless? Not really. It's something else.
Can't control your negative thoughts? I'm slowly losing control ;O
Constantly irritated or getting enraged over small things? YES. HELP ME!
Think life is worthless? Have suicidal thoughts? I don't believe in suicide! Three cheers for life! :D

Minor, minor depression. I won't ever get suicidal so no worries. I'm more worried about my temper. I nearly reach my danger zone a few weeks ago. I didn't say anything because i don't argue with my parents. Yet i was so pissed i lost control of myself. I bit my tongue, wishing it would bleed and hurt badly. Sounds crazy? I lose all sense of reasoning when i'm seriously pissed. When i calmed down, i thought, what the hell did i bite myself for? -.-

What is wrong with being simple?
Why do simple people get forgotten easily?
Is the presence of a simple person that small or even invisible?
What if i never belonged from the start?

I don't want to be forgotten. I don't want to be alone.

I feel like giving up expecting people to remember even my name. Because Charmaine's one of those insignificant wallflowers you can pass by and not notice. Because she's such a boring, simple, quiet, meek goody-two-shoes. The kind you forget as time passes by. Right right right?

I had a terrifying thought today. My thoughts ran wild. I thought i would die alone next time and no one would find out. Because i have no siblings and if no one else remembers me.. Oh my God lah. But then i told myself, all humans die alone anyway. Basket! Even when i counsel myself, it is by cold, cruel facts. I'm way too harsh when i'm being realistic.

I give up.
Just posted this. Maybe ranting would ease things up.
Right now, I'm going to find things to cheer me up! :D

CHARMAINE CHEONG.

I’m a somebody and a nobody. I’m rational and emotional. I’m critical but I’m non-judgemental.

I like my things categorized by types and chronologically. I like taking photos to preserve the moments of my life. I like dystopian literature. I like reading Wikipedia articles at random. I like travelling to foreign lands and seeing the world. I like long conversations over good food. I like pop and classical music. I like guitars. I like cats. I like writing random, mushy letters and notes to the people important to me. I have a whole long list of things that I like, but you’ve got to get to know me better to know them all.