What should I say? There's so much I want to say. By the way, I just got back from a camp this evening. NYC recruitment camp.

Life has been insane of late. Hectic. Disappointing. Fulfilling. Sounds so rojak, but ya lah.

First, school work. Especially projects.

I went for the National Youth Council's recruitment camp this weekend. I don't have the time now to go into details. Maybe next time. But I've learnt lots about leadership. I met people I've always wanted to meet.

I really enjoyed working with them because their working style is identical to mine. Organized, resourceful, practical, efficient, intellectual and highly analytical. Everyone respected one another's ideas and kept a cool mind when the situation looked bleak.

It was so good. It made me wonder what the hell was wrong back at school. Because going by what I've learnt during the camp, there is little to no leadership exercised in all the group work done so far since year 1. Like hell calling oneself leader equals to leadership. Letting unhappiness escalate is not leadership. Not accomplishing objectives is not leadership. There are many more aspects to leadership. Simply put, there has to be balance of relationships and professionalism.

I kept thinking, why is it so hard to do the same in school? I don't think it has to anything to do with the fact that the entire camp was made of youth leaders. I think it has everything to do with one's attitude.

I'm extremely tired. After I came back from the camp and stared at the projects on my laptop, a tear rolled down my cheeks and it got worse. For the first time since primary 4, I cried and talked about my problem to my mother. I don't usually cry or confide in people. This time I'm really tired. I know there's no solution to this problem because our society is like that. I just needed to let it out. And I only told her one tiny part of what's bugging me.

Something must be done about the way project works are being done. I want to take a step at a time. I'm not going to sit around anymore. I'm going to be more proactive. My camp group members knew it was hard for me but they have faith in me that I can be a good leader one day. All I needed to do was SPEAK UP. I really hope I can be like them one day. (:

This entire January, I've been drowning my sorrows by doing volunteer work. Going for Chingay Motivators training sessions. Signing up as an applicant to join in at NYC activities. Had to go through an interview followed by the recruitment camp. Only God knows if I can get selected. I also signed up for the National Youth Environment Conference, which involves a bit of organising committee work as well. I wouldn't mind joining more. I always have a good time and meet awesome, inspiring people. (:

I think it's time I get back to my projects.
I'll update my blog with all the Chingay and NYC camp photos when I'm "free". Maybe the coming Sunday. There's Chingay training next Saturday! Yay!

CHARMAINE CHEONG.

I’m a somebody and a nobody. I’m rational and emotional. I’m critical but I’m non-judgemental.

I like my things categorized by types and chronologically. I like taking photos to preserve the moments of my life. I like dystopian literature. I like reading Wikipedia articles at random. I like travelling to foreign lands and seeing the world. I like long conversations over good food. I like pop and classical music. I like guitars. I like cats. I like writing random, mushy letters and notes to the people important to me. I have a whole long list of things that I like, but you’ve got to get to know me better to know them all.